Me again! I just wanted to touch bases about a few things concerning me so that readers can have a better sense as to who or what posts here. I am a regular dude who does this not to gain accolades for mine own greatness, but for the understanding of the little people whos lives I profoundly effect! Great old-worldy bullshit huh? Most of you would ask ‘Whafuck’? but that was actually all ass-spackle. Seriously, I just wanted to share a small bit of background so that the readers can understand some of my references and the evolution, so to speak, of this atheist.
I was born in Illinois and moved to L.A at three years old to one of the most violent neighborhoods there, Hawthorne. I was taken into foster care at 8 when the house that we lived in was found to be tree years condemned. My brothers and I got out of foster care a year later and settled in a very nice area in the hills above L.A. We enjoyed normalcy for about a year until my mother piled us into a van and took us out of state to Oregon against court order. We began a long journey from one homeless shelter to the next until I turned 18 and left to shake off my destiny of failure. My mother was very manipulating and controlling and would drift from job to job unable to take charge and responsibility for her own life and that of those she had brought into this world.
My mother and I had begun to fight each other when I was about 11 or 12 and quickly drifted apart as I began to recognize her inability to care for even herself. She tried to push Jesus on me and I kept telling her that I didn’t believe. This just put more distance between us as my brothers embraced her false god and bought into the lie that she was doing the best with what she had. She was doing the best to keep away from work and to serve self, but not trying to care for the children that she produced that had no say in being brought into the world! This I reminded her of when she bemoaned her burden of motherhood and laid guilt trips aplenty. Mothers are given WAY to much credit when they fuck up on the half-assed attempts they make at caring for kids that THEY brought into the world. The system always tries to talk about the father and his irresponsible parenting, but NEVER asks if the father was left by the mother with no given knowledge of her whereabouts, OR if he could provide a better home for the kids than a car parked in front of a homeless shelter!
I left at 18 and was an EMT by 21 and a nurse by 22. I got married and we planned our kids so that we could get our educations and adequately provide for them. This plan was so easy to follow that I have trouble with those who have several kids by several men and say that it wasn’t their fault. But personal responsibility doesn’t go a long way in the PC world where nothing is the fault of the idiot who caused their own problem! My children have ALWAYS been taken care of and I’m going to celebrate my 20th wedding anniversary next year. We have had ups and downs but have taken responsibility for our own actions and worked on our problems the entire time that we have been married.
My wife had a very similar upbringing and currently takes care of her parents who were less than stellar themselves at raising children. She grew up exposed to many unsavory friends of her folks who tried to take advantage of her and who brought certain substances around children that were very harmful. These parents are what I refer to as those who drag children across the finish line of life to 18 and figure that they are done with any responsibility to them. By the way, my wife recieved her nursing degree and a 4.0 GPA with my full support.
Today I found out that MY mother who I havn’t talked to in 20 years is in a nursing home in Reno, NV. I cannot help and don’t wish to bring that element into my home. I struggle a little because it’s the woman who gave birth to me but I feel NO obligation to her. Fuck me! Chickens DO come home to roost! Think about where this derelict would be had she ACTUALLY put her best foot forward and taken good care of her children! She psychologically abused us and neglected us putting us through Hell and stealing our childhoods from us, and now look where that has lead her!
Look hard and long people! Love your children for the gifts that they are and put your needs last. It is almost impossible to kill a child’s love for the mother, but mine was able to achieve this three times over! A-Fukin-stounding! You have to Mega-Fuck up to alienate ALL of your kids! Listen to them and RESERVE your judgments as well as critisizm until the child invites it. Listen carefully and interject at points at which you can be certain that your child knows that you are hearing and give the best non-judgemental advice possible and indicate that it comes from a loving heart. My oldest confides in me and trusts me because she knows that I believe in her. Unlike my mother, I also pay for her college and keep a wonderful roof over her head. My children have NEVER wanted for anything and it’s because I promised them they would not want BEFORE they were created! Life is what you make it! My mother lied and made excuses, I set goals and completed them because I WANTED to.
I am an atheist because I didn’t have one LICK of help from above and my prayer were never answered! I did everything by myself and relied on myself, not some fairy-tale GAWD that sees me from above. Not some cosmic Kim Jong Il as C. Hitchens used to say! Maybe, just maybe, if I’m like Job in the bible, GAWD can make a bet with De Debble and fuck my life over to prove a point! That would be fucking grand for the tantrummy goddamned child that is the christian GAWD! I will not capitalize GAWD shit because I don’t believe such savagery deserves this notation, that is why the ‘disrespect.’ Sorry, I don’t usually have this much animosity towards the ‘Zombie in the White robe’ (Jesus) as I do now, but this is an extremely stressful day!
Just this once I will say fuck religion and Jesus in it’s fucking ass! God does not exist and anyone who thinks that he does is in need of a frontal lobotomy. If Jesus could perform fellatio then he might get better numbers, especially from the prison population. Fuck him and fuck anyone who looks like him but that is alot of faux lumberjacks(also known as douchbag hipsters). Semen and the Lord, what could be better?
This, I guess, is stressful because it represents an end of an era. A man hears that a parent is not doing well tells him that he has reached a certain point and that point for me was hoping that somewhere, sometime that my mom would have redeemed herself enough to warrant me stepping in on her care. I cannot and will not subject my family to her. I barely survived her. I knew the bus system in every major city that we lived in and traveled it to the end of the line. I would walk through the door at 8PM, ten yrs old and she wouldn’t even ask where I’d been. She’s on her own with this one. I have kids to take care of. Peace all..