Happy God is Takin a Nap Day!

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Hello all! I’m hoping that y’all are out killing your fellow man and burning his property because as we know God is asleep today and the store has been left open! I’m right, right? On the seventh day after creating all of this only 6-10,000 years ago, he slept, rested or some shit? Well I would start with all of those effing scientists who have used pitifully simple means to discover rocks in their own back yards older than 10,000 years if it was me! That is a blatant fuck you to Christianity and attempts to show religious claims as ridiculous, which of course they AREN”T! Screw you Stephen Hawking and your sensible theories, you can shove ’em up your ass! Do you really think that YOU can know the mind of GOD? Seeing that he niether shows any signs of existence or real communication with mankind I would say that the odds of him speaking to a scientist are minimal. If I were the Almighty I would choose someone sensible like say a flamboyant televangelist or a crazy blind lady living in a swamp.

Didn’t Oral Roberts see a 90ft Jesus outside of his huge ass building that God gave him sometime back in the 80’s? Didn’t some old guy at Our Lady of Perpetual Horniness see Jesus’ hands bleed on the alter? If this isn’t proof I don’t know what is. Hell, I once thought I saw Elvis in a piece of toast that I burned! I fucking played Suspicious Minds for two weeks hoping to channel his return! These are serious events folks and we shouldn’t waste the productive years of our lives chasing space travel, fixing the planet and feeding and educating the poor. Where are our priorities? At least in the Middle East they still know how to kill someone in the name of merciful God, we’re laggin’ the fuck behind people! When was the last time YOU killed a person in the name of the greater good my readers? HMMMMM?

People who call themselves sensible speak of cosmic background radiation, red and blue shift dating astronomical bodies and soil strata identifying fossils that are millions of years old, HUMPH! How can you have a goddamned million year old fossil on a planet that is only 6,000 years old HUH? That in itself shows how ridiculous evolution is! You wanna see somethin’ real bucko? Jesus fucking walked on water bitches? Moses used a motherfucking STAFF to part the entire Red Sea! BOOYA BABY! In yer scientific FACES!

Now git yer asses out there and spread the word of ‘Our Lord’ and get that science shit out of your heads! Proof doesn’t mean that something is necessarily right, sometimes you have to just take a crazy person at face value and follow blind faith! Yes I know that it makes people seem subhuman and idiotic, but sometimes you just have to fly in the face of overwhelming tested evidence and act stupid! Good luck all!

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