It was a blustery day and Pooh was really pissed. The hunny pot was fucking broken and Eeyore was bitching about a draining boil on his ass. Antibiotics weren’t even helping and he was dragging his ass around like a dog with worms. Pooh hopped in his Jag after a couple six packs and sped away running over Piglet as he screamed out of his driveway. “Fuck you you ass-fucking-hole!” Piglet bellowed! Goddamned drunk motherfucker’s gonna get someone killed one of these days. Luckily Piglet was stuffed and had only gotten a tire track up his ass, but it would come out with some detergent.
Pooh was almost over the hill and out of site when they all heard a horrible crash and the twisting of metal! Pooh had hit the big oak tree that was home to Owl and had totaled his Jag! Flames rose up out from under the hood and quickly engulfed the car, Pooh was still inside! Just then, Christopher Robin showed up on a stolen bike being chased by the cops who looked like they were gonna beat the shit out of him when they caught him! He rode quickly to the car when he saw who’s ride it was. He threw off the bike and dove into the passenger side grabbing the drunk unconscious Pooh! As he ran clear of the flaming car with the comatose bear in tow, it gave way with a violent explosion which shook the earth! Pieces flew in every direction slapping at trees and embedding in houses with one particular piece sticking deep into Christopher Robin’s neck!
He grabbed at the shrapnel as blood poured thru his fingers and hit the ground with Pooh in his arm. When the two cops caught up with him they started beating the shit out of him with their night sticks and pepper spraying his face! “Take that you felonious little prick!” Yelled the policeman as he busted the kids ass with the truncheon! “When we’re done with you you’ll be pissing thru a fucking tube asshole!” Pooh rolled over regaining consciousness as Chris tried to ward off the beating. His eyes flew open wide as he realized what was happening and he reached inside the zipper pouch that all good stuffed bears have! From it he pulled the ominous bulk of a Smith & Wesson .45 Auto pistol which he quickly raised at the two screws beating Christopher Robin! He squeezed off half a dozen rounds point blank catching one cop above the right eye and driving him back against the ground, the second cop meanwhile, had freed his own sidearm and commenced firing at the pissed off bear!
Two rounds hit Pooh squarely in the face and sent stuffing spraying all over the surrounding area and all over Christopher Robin! He screamed out in rage as he realized the violent death of his best friend and scrambled for the gun that Pooh had dropped. As his fingers curled around the grip he brought it to bear on the second cop and squeezed the trigger, click! The gun had misfired! Cop number two swung his club around and commenced to beating the shit out of Christopher Robin again! He beat that little asshole again and again until he was fucking senseless and gibbering nonsense!
Mr. Milne came up behind Pooh, “What are you doing Pooh?” he asked. “Uh..nothing?” said Pooh. Mr. Milne looked at his unfinished story still in the typewriter. “well it seems that you have taken a bit of artistic license with my story, care to tell me about it?” he asked Pooh. “Um,well…I was watching this series called ‘Dexter’ on Showtime and thought that we were getting a little boring…