I would like to take this opportunity to thank science and his son evolution for all of the wonderful things that hard work has brought to my table this Thanksgiving. Without intestinal fortitude, I would probably be at home praying for these things instead of at work putting my two hands to better use. I have given to the poor, I have helped others selflessly because it is the right thing to do and not because I fear banishment to some Hell that a Holy child molester threatened me with. I jump start dead batteries and rescue animals if I can because I am a decent person who wants to set an example for others to follow.
On this Thanksgiving I would hope that people will be kind to each other and save being royal cocksuckers for those that truly deserve it. Non-believers don’t need a myth, we just need to know that we are doing the right thing. So as we go about our wonderful dinners and sumptuous drink, remember that someone’s myth is not watching over you, so be safe and sane this HOLY-day season. Glob be with you and Cheez-whiz is the reason for the season! Don’t forget to help that old lady across the street, she’s going to church and without your help God will kill her with a cross town bus! Please give to the poor because it’ll make God look better when their prayers are answered with food, even though it was given by YOU! Drop those coins into the Salvation Army kettle because if you don’t God will let those homeless people freeze to death without new coats! Cancer kids will still die while their parents cry and reason that their myth had a plan but let some child molester live till 80.
I could go on, but all I have to conclude with is please make the season a brighter one by subverting the will of God and not letting Him wreck it with His barbaric ‘plan.’ As human slaves toil in sweat shops right under God’s nose, please do your part and study the signs of human trafficking so that you can do more than a stupid prayer and actually deliver someone from bondage! And as The Almighty sits on His hands and lets the world’s atrocities go on, you will do your small part to make things better which equals more than the supposed power of the Big Sky Fairy! Peace and love folks.