Load of shit takes shape in Kentucky-Big surprise!

  • Noahs Ark Park-1.jpg

    A wooden rib that is part of a ship based on the story of Noah’s ark is raised into place in Williamstown, Ky., on Thursday, June 25, 2015. The Ark Encounter will be a religious tourist attraction when it opens next year. (AP Photo/Dylan Lovan) (The Associated Press)

In a rolling Kentucky pasture, the first few wooden ribs of a giant Noah’s ark tourist attraction have begun to sprout up.

For now, there’s only a foundation, some concrete pillars and the ribs. But the Christian ministry building the ark says the public will be awe-struck by the size of the 510-foot-long ship when it’s finished next year.

“This is going to be huge attraction just for the structure itself,” said Ken Ham, founder of the Kentucky-based group, Answers in Genesis.

On Thursday, journalists were allowed to tour the site for the first time — following a hard rainfall, as it turned out.

The religious theme park project that was announced nearly five years ago is still afloat, after hitting a stretch of rough waters. The ministry had to break the project into phases after private funding stalled a few years ago due to a soft economy. The ark is the first phase, and plans for other attractions at the site were put on hold.

Answers in Genesis says it will pour nearly $90 million of private donations and bond funding into the attraction, which will be called the Ark Encounter. So far, Ham said, about $70 million has been raised.

The Christian group says it has researched the Noah story to determine the size of the boat. In the Bible account, the ark was built by Noah to carry pairs of all the earth’s animals as the world was destroyed by a flood.

“Most people don’t really understand the size of the ark, and we’re going to answer questions like, how could he fit all the animals on board,” Ham said at the construction site Thursday.

Ham’s ministry opened the Creation Museum in 2007 a few miles from here. It has drawn criticism from science educators for exhibits that challenge evolution and promote a view that the earth is about 6,000 years old.

TV star and educator Bill Nye, who suggests the tourist-friendly ark could divert young people away from science, debated Ham on evolution at a widely-seen event at the Creation Museum last year. Nye said if Noah’s ark had actually been built, it would have been destroyed by the sea.

The big boat project took another hit last year when the state of Kentucky withdrew a tourism sales tax incentive that would have meant about $18 million for the attraction after it is up and running.

State officials said in December that tax incentives shouldn’t be used to “fund religious indoctrination.” Answers in Genesis disagreed and filed a federal lawsuit to get back into the incentive program, saying they should not be excluded because of their religious beliefs. The state has asked a judge to dismiss the suit, and a hearing is scheduled for next week.

Ham said the ark attraction is meant to reach more people “with God’s word.”

“But we’re not forcing people to come here, they come of their own free will,” Ham said. “And when they come here and go through, we’re not going to be forcing them to believe our message, we don’t do that. They’re going to have a great experience regardless of whether they agree with us or not.”

-Ken Ham, the complete idiot who believes that Tinkerbell really CAN fly, said the the exhibit, based on the complete bullshit myth that all of the fucking animals in the world came to a wooden ship of their own free will, will inspire single-celled organisms to further believe in misogynistic assholish bigotry and will, in the future, completely crush the Supreme Court and those meddlesome gays once and for all. Ham was also witnessed talking to his own dick and shoving flowers into his own pee hole…..

If he could have only been allowed to jerk off……


Sisters Jill, Jessa open up about Josh Duggar’s abuse

Two of Josh Duggar’s sex-abuse victims, sisters Jill Dillard and Jessa Seewald, told their stories in the second part of an exclusive interview with Fox News. VPC


Two of Josh Duggar’s sex-abuse victims — sisters Jill Dillard, 24, and Jessa Seewald, 22 — told their stories in the second part of an exclusive interview with Megyn Kelly on Fox’s The Kelly File.

The interview, which was previously recorded, aired Friday night on Fox.

Seewald defends her 27-year-old brother, who inappropriately touched four of his sisters and a family friend during his teen years.

“I do want to speak up in his defense against people who are calling him a child molester or pedophile or a rapist, some people are saying,” Seewald told Kelly. “I’m like, ‘That is so overboard and a lie really.’ I mean, people get mad at me for saying that, but I can say this because I was one of the victims.”

USA TODAY does not usually name victims, but in this case, they have named themselves.

Dillard, who was 12 at the time of the molestation, said, “I was shocked. And I’m sad because this is my older brother who I love a lot. I was angry at first. I was like, ‘How could that happen?’ ”

Seewald said she was 9 or 10 years old during the situation. “In Josh’s case, he was a young boy in puberty and a little too curious about girls. And that got him into some trouble,” she said.

The women said that their parents put up safeguards in the home, including not allowing the boys to babysit, locking doors at night, not playing hide-and-seek or being alone with each other.

Both sisters said that they were unaware of Duggar’s actions until their parents sat them down individually. “It wasn’t like we were keeping a secret,” Dillard said.

Seewald got teary-eyed when she spoke about the InTouch article that came out last month. “I was in tears. I couldn’t believe what was going on.” She said she called her husband. “How do they have a right to do this? We’re victims, they can’t do this to us.” They both told Kelly that they felt victimized again by having the story appear in a tabloid years after it had happened.

The InTouch story, which included pictures of 2006 police documents it was based on, reported in May that Duggar was investigated for multiple sex offenses, including forcible fondling of breasts and genitals, against five underage girls. Some of the alleged offenses investigated were felonies.

In his statement, Duggar said he confessed to his parents and they “took several steps” to address the situation. He also apologized to the victims.

“We spoke with the authorities where I confessed my wrongdoing, and my parents arranged for me and those affected by my actions to receive counseling,” he said. “I understood that if I continued down this wrong road that I would end up ruining my life.”

Duggar was never charged with a crime, and the statute of limitations has now expired.

InTouch reported that his father took Duggar to an Arkansas state trooper who was a personal friend, who took no action other than a “very stern talk.” That officer is now serving a 56-year term in prison for child pornography, the magazine reported, and no case was ever brought against Duggar.

During the first interview, which aired Wednesday, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, the Christian conservative reality-TV stars of 19 Kids and Counting, talked about how son Josh approached them and told them that he had “improperly touched” some of their daughters. Josh was a teen at the time.

“We were shocked, we were devastated,” Michelle Duggar told Kelly in the first interview. “As parents, we felt we’re failures. We tried to raise our kids to do what’s right — to know what’s right. And yet one of our children made really bad choices.” The pair were interviewed at their home in Tontitown, Ark.

The Duggars said that in 2002 and 2003, when he was 14 and 15, Josh had groped the girls while they slept (the girls slept in the same room), and that he did this more than once even after his first confession to his parents.

They got him out of the house and sent him to a non-professional Christian-based counseling program in Little Rock, Ark. Jim Bob Duggar said it was “the best decision” they made, because Josh became “closer to God” as a result. “It was a turning point in his life,” he said.

The TLC network has pulled the show’s reruns from its schedule but has not decided whether to cancel the series entirely. Meanwhile, advertisers, including General Mills, Payless Shoes and Choice Hotels, have cut ties with the family of the popular show.

In the aftermath of the first interview, folks have come out for and against the family.

On Twitter, viewers slammed the Duggars for defending their actions as parents. They also took shots at Kelly for how she conducted the interview.

Montel Williams tweeted, “What the hell is the point of interviewing ANYONE if you aren’t asking questions that matter? Not asking #Duggars tough questions=stupid.”

Piers Morgan agreed.

Sarah Palin posted a diatribe on her Facebook page on Thursday, defending the Duggar family and attacking Girls star Lena Dunham.

“Hey Lena, why not laugh off everyone’s sexual ‘experiments’ as you haughtily enjoy rewards for your own perversion? You pedophile you,” Palin wrote. She was referring to when Dunham came under fire for a passage in her memoir, Not That Kind of Girl, where the actress said at age 7 she would bribe her little sister with candy for kisses and to see her genitals.

-I actually believe that this kid suffered from complete oppression and suppression of natural behavior and urges arising from puberty and was shamed by his parents into never showing his budding sexual urges. Hell, this kid could get into hot water just for beating off! How do you develop healthy sexual urges when a bunch of fools raise you to believe that a monstrous mythological being will damn you to rot and burn forever for having the natural urge to flog your dick?

Right-Wing Christianity IS about hate speech!


Rubio: Gay marriage proponents pose ‘danger’ to Christianity

Marco Rubio respects courts on gay marriage in Florida

Subway Talk With Sen. Rubio_00001904

Marco Rubio respects courts on gay marriage in Florida 02:59

Washington (CNN)Florida Sen. Marco Rubio took a decidedly conservative turn on same-sex marriage in an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network this week, warning that “there’s a real and present danger” that gay marriage proponents will cast the teachings of mainstream Christianity as “hate speech.”

“If you think about it, we are at the water’s edge of the argument that mainstream Christian teaching is hate speech. Because today we’ve reached the point in our society where if you do not support same-sex marriage, you are labeled a homophobe and a hater,” the Republican presidential candidate said.

RELATED: Rubio: ‘We’re going to abide’ by gay marriage rulings

Marco Rubio on immigration, economics, same-sex marriage

Marco Rubio on immigration, economics, same-sex marriage02:39
Rubio defends experience, legislative record

Rubio defends experience, legislative record 08:29

“After they are done going after individuals, the next step is to argue that the teachings of mainstream Christianity, the catechism of the Catholic Church, is hate speech and there’s a real and present danger,” Rubio warned.

Rubio has always been personally opposed to same-sex marriage and has argued the issue should be left up to the states.

But his comments to CBN Tuesday mark a notable shift in tone for a candidate who told CNN earlier this year that if the Supreme Court ruled in favor of same-sex marriage, “that would be the law of the land that we would have to follow until it’s somehow reversed.”

His choice to sound the alarm on a possible attack on Christianity aligns him more closely with the evangelicals he’ll be courting in the early primary states of Iowa and South Carolina. But Rubio’s statement comes at a time that Republicans increasingly see themselves losing the battle for public opinion over gay marriage.

In a sign of how fraught the issue has become, a prominent Christian conservative group just announcedthat it’s eliminating its “marriage pledge,” a 14-point credo the Family Leader circulated to candidates in 2012 that required them to pledge to back the definition of traditional marriage as between one man and one woman, among other things.

-Hey Marco, Hitchens67 here! What you spew from your myth-believing pie hole IS hate speech and not in line with what most logical people call, “Reality.” In 2015, in the U.S, we STILL have a large amount of people that believe an imaginary figure guides their lives, that, I find, is disturbing indeed!

Wake up and take control of your own lives! If you need a sky fairy to keep you on the straight and narrow then you just lack a REAL conscience to guide you! I just do good things because it’s the right thing to do, not because of the threat of some mythological Hell in the afterlife! Get fucking real and ditch the fairy tales Marco!

Real guts in logic and reason!!


Non-confrontational atheism will NEVER spread the light of reason farther than the Four Horsemen, Dawkins, Dennett, Harris and Hitchens! Remember the old feminist proverb; ‘Well behaved women never make history.’ This is true for all genders in an oppressed minority. I will fight until the non-believer’s voice is as important as the believer! Religion has NO PLACE in science and needs to allow science to advance mankind and use itself as a detractor to the fear of the unknown! I owe a successful life to believing in myself, and this was brought about by non-belief!



I have to say that the food for Thanksgiving is turning out excellent. There is such an array of choices that I can’t help but thank science for this holiday as well as English religious persecution! Why, if certain other crazy deluded people had not been sentenced to the rack or been burned at the stake then I wouldn’t be enjoying my apple pie tomorrow. As I count the blessings of working my ass off for what we are about to recieve, I cringe to think that these bastards were cast out for being crazy? Not crazy enough? Hell, I don’t know, I just believe that EVERYONE needs to keep their shit to themselves. We already know that science answers questions and that religion answers none so I’d say that we have our clear winner here!
Not to get off of the subject, but seeing that 90% of people are vacuum headed sheep who will follow a Kardashian into the pits of Hell, I think I would choose NOT to subscribe to the beliefs of the majority! By my calculations the T.V ratings of the top reality shows indicate that these majority folks are quit comfortable having their tiny little brains spooned out by the networks. Due to the overwhelming-wait for it…..EVIDENCE! present in this little observation, I would say that having a stalwart viewer of Duck Dynasty tell me that a great sky fairy watches me 24/7 is like letting a woman with braces blow me! Both situations are a fucking no-brainer! Just like it’s elementary to intelligent people that you don’t have to cause a freeway traffick jam gawking at someone who is just getting a fucking ticket! I bet if I went through the lines of stalled traffick and asked about religious leaning, 90% would say that they believe in God or close to it! Not that atheists don’t do any of this, but we ARE more likely, as a group who thinks more freely and sanely, to be the ones on the sidelines yelling at these buffoons to get their sorry asses out of the way. We atheists tend to not live vicariously through those we read about in People Magazine because we are too busy thinking of ways to live in the now and advance scientific theory.
So on this turkey day, please do not say a fucking prayer, get the fuck out there and buy some food for the poor, for which they will turn around and thank GOD for instead of you. But you know the deal and that my friend, is good enough!

Science is the only miracle!


I would like to take this opportunity to thank science and his son evolution for all of the wonderful things that hard work has brought to my table this Thanksgiving. Without intestinal fortitude, I would probably be at home praying for these things instead of at work putting my two hands to better use. I have given to the poor, I have helped others selflessly because it is the right thing to do and not because I fear banishment to some Hell that a Holy child molester threatened me with. I jump start dead batteries and rescue animals if I can because I am a decent person who wants to set an example for others to follow.

On this Thanksgiving I would hope that people will be kind to each other and save being royal cocksuckers for those that truly deserve it. Non-believers don’t need a myth, we just need to know that we are doing the right thing. So as we go about our wonderful dinners and sumptuous drink, remember that someone’s myth is not watching over you, so be safe and sane this HOLY-day season. Glob be with you and Cheez-whiz is the reason for the season! Don’t forget to help that old lady across the street, she’s going to church and without your help God will kill her with a cross town bus! Please give to the poor because it’ll make God look better when their prayers are answered with food, even though it was given by YOU! Drop those coins into the Salvation Army kettle because if you don’t God will let those homeless people freeze to death without new coats! Cancer kids will still die while their parents cry and reason that their myth had a plan but let some child molester live till 80.

I could go on, but all I have to conclude with is please make the season a brighter one by subverting the will of God and not letting Him wreck it with His barbaric ‘plan.’ As human slaves toil in sweat shops right under God’s nose, please do your part and study the signs of human trafficking so that you can do more than a stupid prayer and actually deliver someone from bondage! And as The Almighty sits on His hands and lets the world’s atrocities go on, you will do your small part to make things better which equals more than the supposed power of the Big Sky Fairy! Peace and love folks.

Christless? I think so!


Hey bloggos! I am sitting here on this rainy day listening to the very beautiful Ingrid Michaelson and musing atheistic. I am also having a very interesting back-and-forth with a fellow WordPress blogger on the subject of my idiocy in the area of ‘HIS’ existence. In other words, he is using the bible to tell me how foolish I am for not believing in ‘The Lord.’ He believes that quoting bible verses makes people who question the god thing seem completely out of their minds. The only reason that I have even entertained this lunacy is because I am bored as shit and proving, yet again, that people are close-minded sheep for the most part. 90% of the masses will believe almost anything that someone ‘in authority’ tells them and will use the ‘ misery loves company’ mentality to spread the word of mass delusion.

Now, we know that all of the biblical passages mentioning Jesus were written approximately 30-80 years AFTER his death. There are no eyewitness accounts written about Jesus, and only two disputed articles written within 100 years before or after his death making any so-called evidence of ‘His’ existence completely contrived and 99.99% complete bullshit! During the time of Jesus and shortly thereafter, over 50 most prominent people of the time wrote NOTHING of the man called Jesus! These names include Josephus and Apollonius to name two and the others are found at the touch of a Google search, all easily referenced. Info on this is included on the sites http://www.jesusneverexisted.com and http://www.nobelief.com. There are also hundreds more that have been contributed to by countless trusted authorities on the subject, so please do the research and check these out for yourself. I handle my atheism like I handle my money. Why would I blindly trust someone else with something so important when I can learn the information myself?

The silence of history is also upon the existence of the apostles, and you would think that a man and followers who had caused such a shitstorm in the Jewish and Pagan faiths would have had a few more ‘Wanted’ posters drafted in ‘His’ image, but curiously that honor only falls to the OTHER famous folks of the time! Now the History Professor Bart Ehrman states in his book, Did Jesus Exist, some very interesting suppositions regarding alleged proof of the existence of the man Christ, but is refuted in several instances that are also available in a simple Google search and is the reason that I cite the title of the book. I do not name the rebuttals only because the ability to access them is only a keystroke away! I am not here to insult intelligence, only to expand it.

The REAL interesting meat of this all is on The Thinking Atheist website under podcast #101 which includes an interview with the renowned Prof. of Ancient History and Christianity expert, Dr. Richard Carrier, who appeared on the show’ Faith Under Fire’ and has debated none other than William Lane Craig! Dr. Carrier also has the pleasurable distinction to appear in Warren Allen Smith’s book,  Who’s who in Hell’, a list of non-believers who are going to burn in Yaweh’s imaginary lake of fire! I always like the whole’ if you don’t believe in my god you will burn in Hell’ idiocy! He also has given many talks on ancient history and Christian accounts of history that have been proven false. He has spoken on the Gospels and why they are mythological by including literary and writing analysis that has proven beyond a doubt that many of the book’ s cited authors were in fact not the stated ones.

Dr. Carrier published a book, On the Historicity of Jesus Christ, ‘ that confronts the accepted false accounts used by popular historians to supposedly prove jesus’ existence such as how priests communicated with Christ in vision and prayer as well as how he came upon this Earth in very much the same manner as several other deities. Theologians will dispute the ‘Other gods similarity,’ claims, but that is where careful research comes into play and attention to detail.

Dr. Carrier also has critiqued Dr. Ehrman’s book “Did Jesus Exist” and has called it very poor in writing and fact as if written very hastily, but recommends Ehrman’s book, ‘Jesus Interrupted’ as a mainstream manual on how modern day religious historians explain their position on the existence of Christ. Dr. Carrier has had several heated exchanges with Dr. Ehrman on the subject of Ehrman’s books that can be read by internet searching, ‘Dr. Carrier/Dr. Ehrman recap. The 1st result is usually “Ehrman on Historicity,’ and links to all of the other exchanges between the two individuals.

I have done much of this research myself and have come up with so many holes in the myth that is christianity, leading me to dismiss it as a definite appeal to the masses for control! I have been reading literature by Carrier and Ehrman to further inform myself so as not to expose myself to ignorant sheep-like behavior!

My father-in-law who has NEVER taken a religious history class and had been a life long bigoted racist until the recession told me that even though he does not believe in God anymore he knows that the historical Jesus HAS been proven. I countered with my evidence based in years of scientific research only to be told that I didn’t know what I was talking about. This is the tired old refrain of the lemming, don’t do research and inform yourself, just listen to the magic box in the living room!

I ask my blog followers to please do the research, no matter how in-depth it gets, so that the myth can be refuted and placed in the dustbin of all other dismissed crap. Listen to the above-mentioned podcast and digest the very informative and credible information. Until then, have a godless existence!

This guy is awesome!


Noah Fucking Way

40 Days and 40 Go Fuck Yourselves

Many great articles have been written over the years ripping apart the silliness of the Noah’s Ark fairytale. Most of them destroy the tale by demonstrating the impossibility of Noah’s alleged task from a physical and technical perspective, like the Square-Cube Law, which proves that the ark (even if it ever were built) could not have functioned as the bible claims. While these complex explanations clearly debunk the story and stand on their own, I have decided to focus on a far more basic argument.

Setting the Bar

What would you say if I told you that from now on Microsoft is going to package all of its software on floppy disks again instead of CDs? Add to that, all of their products will be boxed and sold on retail shelves only. Internet download will no longer be allowed. Moreover, all retail products will be distributed via paddle boats across all bodies of water and by horse and carriage across all bodies of land. Large-scale ships, trucks, and air transport are verboten.

As an outsider you know absolutely nothing about the inner workings of their business and haven’t a clue what happens behind their closed proprietary doors. You’re just a mere mortal. Their ways are higher than yours and their motives are not to be questioned.

The fuck?

Only an Idiot Would Deny the Obvious

As long as we have the intellect (which, in this case, is nothing more than simple common sense) and the ability to streamline tasks and make them more efficient and timely, we will. Anything less just wouldn’t make sense now, would it? And as mankind’s intellect and abilities are infinitesimal when compared to that of its alleged magnificent creator, it becomes incomprehensible that such a god would resort to anything less.

The Claim

According to moronic bible lore, god created THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE AND EVERYTHING IN IT in a mere six days (which Evangelical Christians believe to be six literal 24-hour days) by a mere act of his will. Just to be clear about this, we’re talking about every speck of matter, living and inanimate, not just on this planet but also on all of the planets and systems in the entire universe.

The scope of this massive creation effort is completely and thoroughly incomprehensible to man, but suffice it to say that it would have been one amazing feat.

Accepting the incomprehensible enormity and complexity of the act (to the extent that a mere mortal can) is essential to understanding the silliness of the Noah’s Ark fairytale.

A Stipulation

Okay, for sake of the argument, let’s assume that the story is true and correct and that god did create everything in the entire universe in a mere 144 hours. Without recounting why his once perfect creation went bad (why is not relevant), god decided to wipe the slate clean and try again. Well, apparently not the entire slate.

God certainly didn’t need to recreate the entire universe. That would have been silly and far too inefficient for such an all-powerful and all-knowing being. Even I wouldn’t have done that, and I can’t imagine that you would have either. He didn’t even need to recreate the entire planet. That would have been enormously inefficient and total overkill as well.

There was no need to recreate the trees and the flowers, the mountains and the valleys, the rivers and the oceans (of course), and everything else on land and in the sea. All god had to do was essentially get rid of all the people inhabiting the earth (just his human creations except for Noah and his family) and replace them via procreation on their own accord. The rest was a matter of of mass-genocide. Everything else was to remain intact albeit a bit soggy for a short while.

Whatever the world population was at the time, it would have been a piece of cake for such an all-powerful being to eradicate all of them with a single wink of his eye. BOOYAH! You is all gone. (Anyone remember the tenth plague in Exodus?)

Remember, god created everything in the entire universe in only 144 hours. Getting rid of such a trifling speck of his creation could have and should have been another simple act of his almighty will. But instead, when all he wanted to do was get rid of just the people on this teeny tiny planet in the vastness of all that he created, he certainly took his time and resorted to illogical crudity for such a relatively simple task – which makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE for an omnipotent being.

There’s not a single shred of biblical evidence that states or even suggests that any part of the story was a test of faith for Noah and his family. And even if it was a test of faith, the entire story still doesn’t hold water [pun intended] because pieces of the story are in logical conflict with such a motive. (More about this in a bit.)

According to bible lore and my reliable contacts, Noah lived to be about 900 years old. He was born around 1056 (or 2894 BC) and the flood took place sometime in 1656 (or 2294 BC), which by computation was in the 600th year of Noah’s life. Add to this nonsense the fact that it took 120 years to build the ark. (Yup.)

Only an idiot wouldn’t see the glaring inefficiency of god’s plan.

Why the Story is Patently False

On the grand scale of common sense, logic, and good judgment, the almighty couldn’t have been any more off his mark.

It would have made much more sense for this all-powerful being to just snap his fingers and make all of the people just go bye-bye, and then let Noah and his family start their little inbred fuck-fest. And even if god were to go with the ridiculous barge/flood idea, he could have just created the ark for Noah and then proceed with the drowning party.

But wait. We’re not done just yet.

I find it interesting that while god launched such an unreasonably and unnecessarily long project (with regard to the building of the ark), he decided to introduce, seemingly out of nowhere, a smidgen of courteous efficiency. (Aw, how nice.)

To save Noah the pain in the ass effort of having to circumnavigate the globe and then trek across every continent to gather all those critters, god brought all of the animals to the ark. What a brilliant time-saving shortcut. I mean, it’s not like Noah had plenty of time to do all this all on his own. He only lived to be 900.

And know that the same sudden and inconsistent act of efficiency was seen when the floods subsided. Apparently god took care of getting all of the animals back to their respective continents and ensured that they (and several generations of their offspring) survived long enough to repopulate the entire animal kingdom. This is thoroughly consistent with the almighty’s duality of efficiency and proves that the building of the ark and all that followed wasn’t a test of Noah’s faith. Bringing the animals to the ark and then back to their respective homes would be like letting marathon runners take a taxi through the toughest parts of the race.

Other Red Flags

Since we’re on this topic, I wonder what all those lions and tigers and bears ate while all of their natural prey were repopulating? Remember, only two of each kind survived the flood, and the earth is a pretty big place you know. How could only one pair reproduce fast enough to not only repopulate the earth, but also to feed their predators? Did all of the carnivores turn vegan for all those years? Perhaps god turbo-charged their physiology so as to accelerate their procreation capabilities.

Many Christians try to argue that lions, for example, weren’t carnivores back then. Of course, those powerful jaws and long, sharp teeth must have evolved sometime after they became meat eaters. But wait, I thought evolution was a farce? Perhaps their all-knowing creator knew they would eventually become carnivores and gave lions and tigers and bears those necessary meat-eating features so that they’d be well-equipped when the time came. Seems logical.

Christians also have to account for that unilateral “two of every kind” mandate, so they must argue that all of the dinosaur varieties were on the ark – all babies, for obvious reasons. Only problem is, T. Rex and at least a few of his buddies would still be here today if any of this patent nonsense were true. It stands to reason that we should have at least a few of these ancient creatures still roaming the planet today – cryptozoological delusions notwithstanding. Those two lions and tigers and bears are still here, yet all we find of these prehistoric land-dwelling giants today are their fossilized bones. And of course let’s not forget about the unicorns.

Furthermore, Christian apologists argue that it was the flood that killed the dinosaurs, but this leaves yet another whopper of a problem. Why is it that all we find are dinosour (and a few other small ancient mammal) remains in those fossil layers? Why haven’t we found any goats, sheep, horses, pigs or dogs? If dinosaurs roamed the earth with man and all of those “kinds” that made it onto the ark, we should find many of them in the fossil layer as well.

On another semi-related long-debated note, if everyone but Noah’s family was killed during the flood, how the hell did we get all of the current races of people inhabiting the planet today? It’s not like all of these races evolved from Noah’s family gene pool, right?

Look, if you kept breeding Chihuahuas with Chihuahuas, you’d still get Chihuahuas – not Great Danes. If you kept breeding Noah’s family, you’d get people who look like Noah’s family – not Ho Chi Minh’s family. Likewise, if you cross bred a Chihuahua with Great Dane, you’d get a unique mix of genetics no different than if an Asian person and an African person had a child together. The Ibizan and Pharaoh hound breeds have remained the same for 5000 years, just as our five basic human races have.

All human variations are a direct result of interracial breeding. Many Christian apologists argue that what appear to be multiple human races is really just one, and that all of our variations come from 5000 years of exposure to the sun. Yes, exposure to the sun quite obviously influenced the staggering average height differential between the Dutch and Japanese, as well as the average weight/mass differential between the Japanese and Pacific Islanders (like Samoans).

These apologists argue that our five races are based on depth of skin color: darkest at the equator, getting lighter as you move away (north or south), and the getting dark again as you get to the areas of “midnight sun.” Okie dokie. Well, I suppose they need to manufacture some sort of explanation no matter how asinine it sounds.

Yes, it’s quite clear from all of the faces and body types around the world that everyone is indeed a direct descendant of Noah and his family. Yup. No doubt about it.

Timing is Everything

Now let’s go back to god’s abortively bad time and resource management skills.

Noah took 120 years to build the ark, plus there was the unknown timeframe that god needed to bring the animals to the ark, plus another 40 days and 40 nights for the flood (actually, they were on the ark for about a year), and then two other unknown periods of time for the waters to recede and to get all of the animals back to their respective continents. But even if these unknown periods were instantaneous (unlikely, as that would be so thoroughly insane considering the crudity of the rest of the project), the entire event would have taken at least 121 years, plus several generations to repopulate the earth with humans, animals, and vegetation.

Ultimately, the act was wholly inefficient and thoroughly inconsistent with the knowledge, power and perfection of this allegedly Supreme Being even without his precedent six-day creation feat. But for sake of the argument, even if god had a sound reason for placing the burden upon man, this story is still marred with an abortively crazy mix of efficient and inefficient acts.

If no sane, prudent, fallible human would conduct business in this manner, then neither would his all-powerful, all-knowing creator.

Well Aren’t You Special?

When bitch-slapped with all of the aforementioned, your average idiot Christian will invariably cling to a special pleading in a pathetic attempt to sidestep logic and physics (in the face of the Square-Cube Law, for example). These idiots can’t be reasoned with. But just for fun, if such a pleading is invoked (e.g. god suspended the laws of physics to stabilize and protect a wooden barge of such enormous proportions from destruction), ask them why the pleading is necessary in the first place. If god intervened and temporarily suspended the laws of physics or magically brought all of the animals to the ark, then why didn’t he just use some of that magic to make all those people go away with a plague or a nod of his head? I mean, the fucker fucking SPOKE shit into existence. Let there be light, jackass.


Finding Noah: Of Artifacts and Hoaxes

On a final and semi-related note, several nutcase Christian wackos in recent years have claimed to have found the remains of Noah’s ark. Sadly, none of them ever provided any concrete proof to that end. But Christians won’t allow that little problem to rain on their parade.

If the ark did land on Mount Ararat as the bible claims (even so many years ago), there should still be some trace of it somewhere on the mountain given its alleged enormous size. Sure, Ararat is huge, but mankind has been searching for the ark for generations and generations. Surely some conclusive artifacts would have surfaced by now. It’s not like the ark could possibly (and reasonably) be buried in a hole or hidden in a cave – again, not given its alleged size.

Click here to read the official textbook Christian excuse for not finding the ark.

Anyway, this is how it works. If the ark were to be found, Christians would claim it to be absolute proof that their god exists. However, if the bones of Jesus were found (thus disproving the resurrection and ascension), then it would be either (a) a hoax perpetrated by atheists, (b) a hoax perpetrated by Satan, or (c) a hoax perpetrated by Satan through atheists. To your average Christian, hoaxes are a one-way street. No credence is given to the possibility that some religiously deluded guy (with low self-esteem and the need for self- validation) heard a voice in his head telling him to build a really big boat.