Marquis D’Crusade!

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The christian crusades mark some of the most bloody and mad chapters in religious history and are a perfect reason to judge the validity of following illogical shit blindly. For nearly three centuries christianity launched an offensive against the forces of Islam due to idiological differences. Europe had expended such an exponential number of men and an astronomical amount of money to fight for it’s right for a superior mythology, that the entire continent teetered on the brink of bankruptcy if not total insolvency. Millions died of disease, injury and hunger while attempting to inflict the atrocities of torture upon the minions of Mohammed the bible thief. The Islamic religion was, in fact, stolen from the bible in the 600s and ended in 632 CE literally translated as ‘the recitation’ The Holy Quran. As with all myths, the Quran was a linchpin in Mohammed’s arsenal to unite the warring clans of the desert and put them under the banner of a ‘one true god.’

Christianity, with it’s melding of pagan holidays and appeasing of the conquered peoples of Rome created a hodge-podge religion of inaccuracies that was the greatest model for illiterates such as Mohammed and Joseph Smith to create a living document that could control an immense number of illiterate followers. This is the truth of the history of christianity. The advancement of society led to the need to modify the mythology to keep the lemmings in the pews and show that the religion was one of devine tolerance, but I digress.

1066-1099-The first crusade was a military expidition sanctioned by Pope Urban II to regain christian Holy lands taken in the Muslim conquests  of the Levant ( 632-661 ), ultimately leading in the capture of Jerusalem in 1099. The Pope, of course, responding to an appeal by Emperor Alexios I Komnenos to send westerner volunteers to his aid in repelling invading Seljuk Turks from Anatolia. The additional goal became the primary goal to conquer Jerusalem and the Holy land in order to free the Eastern Christians from Islamic rule. More to come!!

The bottom line….

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I see before me many a soul looking for salvation in the good book of mythology called the Bible. These kind folk are the lemmings of the world who trust not their own senses and their ability to understand science and reason! These are the very same people who were once persecuted by said beliefs contained within the mythological text mentioned above. I give you anyone who has ever descended from a people forced into Christianity from another mythology that was once practiced  by their native peoples! Please study the indoctrination of the African Americans, the Koreans, the Vietnamese, the Native Americans, and the list goes on! Peoples who were tortured for their belief in a ‘savage god’ and forced upon penalty of death to worship the ‘generous and loving god’ of Abraham!

The above examples are of the recent crimes and don’t even touch upon the Crusades or other wars fought in the name of love and glory! The comedian Chris Rock once said, “If a black person is a Christian than he’s got a short fuckin memory!” AMEN! Why would a people who have claimed freedom fro an oppressor continue to embrace the captor’s religion? Why are there Korean Christians? Vietnamese Christians? 

More Men…and the pope!

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When I joined the Mormon church I thought it meant More Men!-The Village Priest. That wuz funny…not! Sorry, bloggin’ by the light of the flourescent candle here. Helpin’ with the demise of the wonder of ‘God’s glory, the human eye, which could’nt have possibly come of several million years of evolution! You say GOD?! I say, “If GOD wuz SOOoo great then why didn’t I get Predator vision? HMMMM? I want infra red, thermal and spectral analyzing capabilities! I want to be able to hunt Gary Busey in a freezing meat locker and do battle with Danny Glover! This is too much to ask I guess, because I got stuck with perfectly mundane binocular vision. I don’t even have eyeballs that rotate in different directions like a lizard! No laser vision, heat vision, X-Ray vision, (I’d use it to sparingly invade personal privacy but I’m a man, what do you expect?), etc.
No, I haven’t had to fly off and weld the hull of a sinking ship with my heat vision. I’m stuck listening to the prattlings of reformed but still useless unemployed drug addicts showing me cell phone pics of rocks that are in the shape of Jesus, (look! you can see where he shat himself!!). It’s a miracle! Fucker won’t give you a Goddamned job but he’s free flowing with the miracle snow globes and Buddy Christ dashboard statues! Go figure. I guess that if I were a toothless idiot with an I.Q of 60 then I too, would be impressed with cheap parlor tricks. Lord? I pray…please saw this lady in the box in half and parade her corpse around the room! If you do this I will forever be your humble servant! NEXT!!
Goal for today: Punch the Pope in his fucking eye for being a little quitter bitch! What was his real name? John Ratzenberger? So does that mean he hangs out with Cardinal Normie and Father Woody? Well, he retired today and as of 8PM Central Asshole time he officially retreated to Birchegaden to Hitler’s Eagle’s Nest to restart the Third Reich! Being an evil pedophile, I’m sure he is more than man for the job! Be sure to stock up heavily on those Hugo Boss SS uniforms, the athletic fitting ones of course, and Reisen, lots of Storck Chocolate Reisen! One cannot say that the ex-pope is a man without reisen!
For those of you who care, Princess Kate is soon to make that slobbering slope-browed, weak-chinned peice of effeminate ragweed Prince Charles a grandfather! Prince Harry on the other hand is unfortunately going to continue to just fuck himself! Also in important news, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West ARE actually Satan, those of you lemmings that follow the show have already inadvertantly sold your souls. Sorry! Too late! We have a no return policy and all sales are fucking final so PISS OFF!!

So this post has a rather weak content, no real purpose! Good! I at least feel better! And thats what really counts! Remember folks, it’s not about you..it’s about me! Always me!! So before I digress into constructing Mohammed bobble-heads or statues of Bhudda made out of my own shit, let me end this post with one last thing. Releasing yourself from the yoke of religion is like eating an entire pan of Ex Lax brownies; you may shit your brains out at first, but when it’s all over you feel so much cleaner inside!