I think that the reason I am not Catholic is because if I took communion I’d always wonder if the priest that was putting the wafer in my mouth had stuck the same finger in a choir boy’s butthole.
When I joined the Mormon church I thought it meant More Men!-The Village Priest. That wuz funny…not! Sorry, bloggin’ by the light of the flourescent candle here. Helpin’ with the demise of the wonder of ‘God’s glory, the human eye, which could’nt have possibly come of several million years of evolution! You say GOD?! I say, “If GOD wuz SOOoo great then why didn’t I get Predator vision? HMMMM? I want infra red, thermal and spectral analyzing capabilities! I want to be able to hunt Gary Busey in a freezing meat locker and do battle with Danny Glover! This is too much to ask I guess, because I got stuck with perfectly mundane binocular vision. I don’t even have eyeballs that rotate in different directions like a lizard! No laser vision, heat vision, X-Ray vision, (I’d use it to sparingly invade personal privacy but I’m a man, what do you expect?), etc.
No, I haven’t had to fly off and weld the hull of a sinking ship with my heat vision. I’m stuck listening to the prattlings of reformed but still useless unemployed drug addicts showing me cell phone pics of rocks that are in the shape of Jesus, (look! you can see where he shat himself!!). It’s a miracle! Fucker won’t give you a Goddamned job but he’s free flowing with the miracle snow globes and Buddy Christ dashboard statues! Go figure. I guess that if I were a toothless idiot with an I.Q of 60 then I too, would be impressed with cheap parlor tricks. Lord? I pray…please saw this lady in the box in half and parade her corpse around the room! If you do this I will forever be your humble servant! NEXT!!
Goal for today: Punch the Pope in his fucking eye for being a little quitter bitch! What was his real name? John Ratzenberger? So does that mean he hangs out with Cardinal Normie and Father Woody? Well, he retired today and as of 8PM Central Asshole time he officially retreated to Birchegaden to Hitler’s Eagle’s Nest to restart the Third Reich! Being an evil pedophile, I’m sure he is more than man for the job! Be sure to stock up heavily on those Hugo Boss SS uniforms, the athletic fitting ones of course, and Reisen, lots of Storck Chocolate Reisen! One cannot say that the ex-pope is a man without reisen!
For those of you who care, Princess Kate is soon to make that slobbering slope-browed, weak-chinned peice of effeminate ragweed Prince Charles a grandfather! Prince Harry on the other hand is unfortunately going to continue to just fuck himself! Also in important news, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West ARE actually Satan, those of you lemmings that follow the show have already inadvertantly sold your souls. Sorry! Too late! We have a no return policy and all sales are fucking final so PISS OFF!!
So this post has a rather weak content, no real purpose! Good! I at least feel better! And thats what really counts! Remember folks, it’s not about you..it’s about me! Always me!! So before I digress into constructing Mohammed bobble-heads or statues of Bhudda made out of my own shit, let me end this post with one last thing. Releasing yourself from the yoke of religion is like eating an entire pan of Ex Lax brownies; you may shit your brains out at first, but when it’s all over you feel so much cleaner inside!