Cranksgiving.

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I have to say that the food for Thanksgiving is turning out excellent. There is such an array of choices that I can’t help but thank science for this holiday as well as English religious persecution! Why, if certain other crazy deluded people had not been sentenced to the rack or been burned at the stake then I wouldn’t be enjoying my apple pie tomorrow. As I count the blessings of working my ass off for what we are about to recieve, I cringe to think that these bastards were cast out for being crazy? Not crazy enough? Hell, I don’t know, I just believe that EVERYONE needs to keep their shit to themselves. We already know that science answers questions and that religion answers none so I’d say that we have our clear winner here!
Not to get off of the subject, but seeing that 90% of people are vacuum headed sheep who will follow a Kardashian into the pits of Hell, I think I would choose NOT to subscribe to the beliefs of the majority! By my calculations the T.V ratings of the top reality shows indicate that these majority folks are quit comfortable having their tiny little brains spooned out by the networks. Due to the overwhelming-wait for it…..EVIDENCE! present in this little observation, I would say that having a stalwart viewer of Duck Dynasty tell me that a great sky fairy watches me 24/7 is like letting a woman with braces blow me! Both situations are a fucking no-brainer! Just like it’s elementary to intelligent people that you don’t have to cause a freeway traffick jam gawking at someone who is just getting a fucking ticket! I bet if I went through the lines of stalled traffick and asked about religious leaning, 90% would say that they believe in God or close to it! Not that atheists don’t do any of this, but we ARE more likely, as a group who thinks more freely and sanely, to be the ones on the sidelines yelling at these buffoons to get their sorry asses out of the way. We atheists tend to not live vicariously through those we read about in People Magazine because we are too busy thinking of ways to live in the now and advance scientific theory.
So on this turkey day, please do not say a fucking prayer, get the fuck out there and buy some food for the poor, for which they will turn around and thank GOD for instead of you. But you know the deal and that my friend, is good enough!

Science is the only miracle!

Aside

I would like to take this opportunity to thank science and his son evolution for all of the wonderful things that hard work has brought to my table this Thanksgiving. Without intestinal fortitude, I would probably be at home praying for these things instead of at work putting my two hands to better use. I have given to the poor, I have helped others selflessly because it is the right thing to do and not because I fear banishment to some Hell that a Holy child molester threatened me with. I jump start dead batteries and rescue animals if I can because I am a decent person who wants to set an example for others to follow.

On this Thanksgiving I would hope that people will be kind to each other and save being royal cocksuckers for those that truly deserve it. Non-believers don’t need a myth, we just need to know that we are doing the right thing. So as we go about our wonderful dinners and sumptuous drink, remember that someone’s myth is not watching over you, so be safe and sane this HOLY-day season. Glob be with you and Cheez-whiz is the reason for the season! Don’t forget to help that old lady across the street, she’s going to church and without your help God will kill her with a cross town bus! Please give to the poor because it’ll make God look better when their prayers are answered with food, even though it was given by YOU! Drop those coins into the Salvation Army kettle because if you don’t God will let those homeless people freeze to death without new coats! Cancer kids will still die while their parents cry and reason that their myth had a plan but let some child molester live till 80.

I could go on, but all I have to conclude with is please make the season a brighter one by subverting the will of God and not letting Him wreck it with His barbaric ‘plan.’ As human slaves toil in sweat shops right under God’s nose, please do your part and study the signs of human trafficking so that you can do more than a stupid prayer and actually deliver someone from bondage! And as The Almighty sits on His hands and lets the world’s atrocities go on, you will do your small part to make things better which equals more than the supposed power of the Big Sky Fairy! Peace and love folks.