Oh my mortal soul!

I must confess that I am probably not a moral person and it’s probably because I’m an atheist. For instance,  I have used my cell phone while driving, yes, yes I have, even though I know that it is wrong and can cause an accident, but that’s actually not all. I have flogged it with my left hand while using my right hand to access the internet for porn and driving with my knees. Wait. Thats not all, I purposely tore off one of those ‘Do not remove under penalty of law’ tags from several of my pillows at home. I’ve also looked at EVERY attractive woman who has EVER walked by me with lust in my heart, mind, soul and my weiner whom I refer to as Anthony. I have also made jokes about the hadicapped and the completely stupid and have actually pissed on sleeping bums. I am a reprobate without excuse for my actions.

While on my way to work today I leaned out of my car window and yelled “Move it or lose it you old dildo!” to a sweet little old lady who was going a bit too slow on the freeway. Now did I have to do this? Did I also have to add insult to injury by giving her and the rest of the nuns she was with the finger? No I didn’t, but I felt entitled to do so by a lack of conscience and a moral deficit! Why I’ll bet with a little ol’ tyme religion that I’d be back on track in no tyme! You don’t see Jesus out pissing in an allyway or breaking windows with a slingshot,( which, by the way, I have done also ). You don’t see God letting children die of horrible diseases or letting natural disasters kill thousands……oh, yeah..He does? He does. Scratch that then.

The point is that you need a book and the fear of a lake of eternal fire to be an upstanding person and if you don’t believe in these things, just fake it to be safe! You wouldn’t want the ark to sail without you right?! Just imagine what it would be like to be standing all alone at the great cosmic bus stop like Kirk Cameron in Left Behind. You’d never eat the bread ‘o’ life with Jesus and all of the other holy fuckers up there, you’d be cursed to walk the Earth in Chuck Taylors and skinny jeans while wearing a funny hat and listening to music that has no fucking guitar riffs! Now thats what I call Hell! Some call it Northeast Portland, Oregon!

I go now to seek out Tom Cruise and find out just exactly what my Thetan level is and how I can rid myself of those bastards. Maybe we will go couch jumping or something with John Travolta and the gang of Hollyweird schizos and shit! All I know is that I GOTTA find me a fucking god! The void is just too great and sensability just ain’t enough to quench the desire to follow like an idiot and glaze my eyes over with the love of the holy spook! I will now look for a blind asshole to follow and when the shit that he makes up gets too fucking insane, I will know that I have hit the motherlode! Peace and prosperity to all of my bretheren in..well, whatever shit I choose to follow aimlessly!